If you've been here a while, you know our son Finn who is 4, has a pretty severe speech delay and has been receiving both speech and OT for about 2 years now. In December of last year, we discovered he had a tongue tie so we had it lasered and continued to see improvements. Although it has been a slow journey, we are in such a different place than when we first started this journey when he was 2.
In May of this year we had him evaluated to see if he qualified for services through our school system and if he would be eligible to attend their preschool this fall. We are so happy that he did qualify, we got his IEP set up and he starts his first day next week which we think will be such a great fit for him!
After 5 months of waiting, we had our appointment with one of the top developmental pediatricians here in AL. They watched how he played, asked us what felt like a million questions to learn more about him, we had his hearing checked, and we also did lab work for genetics testing.
Today Finn was diagnosed with Autism (Level 2). I usually keep a brave face and feel like I can tackle everything but today I’m sad. Today I’m mentally and physically exhausted of putting on that brave face because our journey is not always easy and I want to be transparent. I’ve cried so hard my eyes have been stinging since lunch time. A part of me feels as though I have failed as mom because it’s in my nature to “fix” things and this I can’t fix. Finn doesn’t need to be fixed, he’s not broken, I get that but I wish I could make his challenges easier for him.
Along with feeling sad, I honestly feel every other emotion too. Excited for new doors to open for him to progress, hopeful for more opportunities that will help him, scared because I don’t want anyone to treat him differently and treat him now as a diagnosis and not as a person. Overwhelmed by this therapy and that therapy, does he qualify for this, calling insurance about that, evaluations after evaluations, folders of information full of “why’s & what now’s”.
But above all else, I am so thankful. Thankful he is ours and he is more himself than anyone I’ve ever met. Thankful God blessed us to be parents to such a beautiful human. Thankful that he teaches us about patience, unconditional love, humility, that small victories should be celebrated, & that there are other ways to communicate other than words. Thankful always for our team of support who work so hard. Thankful for doctors and specialists who have been nothing but positive and understanding. Thankful for prayers. Thankful for an amazing supportive husband (Chase) who’s as strong willed and involved in every single part of everything. Thankful that tomorrow is a new day. We will pick up that ball and keep it rolling and continue to be badass but today I’m just sad. We are all allowed hard days, today is just a hard day.
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